Almost Human
by clockwork marionette
Summary: I wish I was human again. I wish I could taste. I wish I could bleed. I wish I could smell. I wish I could feel emotion again. But, I'm too far gone to be human ever again, so being almost human is just as good, I guess.


**The plot bunnies tied me to a tree and held me at knifepoint until I wrote this.**

* * *

When I see the crowd screaming my name, I don't feel happy.

When I see hate comments, comments that tell me to die, I don't feel anger.

When my concert has been canceled, I don't feel sadness.

I don't feel emotion, because I'm not human.

I have memories of being happy, feeling anger, actually experiencing emotion, faint memories from my past life.

But it's like watching a movie. You see the emotions get played out, but you don't feel it.

I want to feel emotion again.

* * *

As I smile at the crowd, I sing. My voice bank has emotions built into the words, but inside, I feel nothing.

"Hello everyone!" I yell to the adoring crowd.

The crowd goes crazy, screaming, yelling, for me. They're so happy, so excited to see me, something I used to feel too.

Why did I give up my life as a human?

Why did I want to give up everything?

Why, after thirty-four years, am I still okay with this?

The lights turn off, and glowing light sticks fill the room.

I smile a fake smile, an insincere smile.

I don't sing from the heart anymore.

I can't.

I'm not human anymore.

I want to be human again.

* * *

Vocaloids are too perfect.

They never miss a beat, never make mistakes, never say the wrong thing.

Being perfect is too boring.

It's not right.

It's not natural.

Of course I'm not natural anymore.

I lost all my humanity years ago.

I stopped aging, stopped getting sick, stopped being so, beautifully, imperfect.

I want to make mistakes again.

* * *

I slash open the skin-colored plastic that covers my arm, exposing the wires and glinting lights beneath.

No pain.

No blood.

Just whirring gears and wires.

I throw the knife down.

How far was I from human?

What did they do to keep my mind and body alive, but take away most of my humanity?

I want to bleed again.

* * *

All those love songs I sang, I didn't know what love was.

I was just programmed to sing what they told me to sing.

I don't love any other Vocaloids.

I have faint memories of loving someone, but I don't remember ever feeling it.

I want to love again.

* * *

I'm supposed to have a character item.

They programmed me to like it.

But I don't know what it's like.

I have never tasted it, felt it, smelled it.

How am I supposed to like if if I have never experienced the joy of eating it?

Feeling it?

Smelling it?

I want to have likes and dislikes again.

* * *

I don't want to be a minor character in a story.

I don't want to be a cardboard cut-out.

I want to have a personality.

I want to be a character that has enough development to seem human.

After all, I can never be fully human anymore.

But being almost human is good enough.

* * *

It's my birthday today.

All the others Vocaloids swarm around me, wishing me a happy birthday.

Of course, we don't know what it's like to grow older anymore.

We just know that a birthday is a special day, but we don't fully understand the importance of it.

I'm told to make a wish.

I close my eyes, because Master sometimes makes us watch movies, and the character almost always closes their eyes while making a wish.

_I wish..._

* * *

I have another concert today.

I wonder if my fans can tell if I'm not singing from my heart.

* * *

I have a blog.

Master made us all make one, to tell our fans what's happening.

Secretly, I go onto it without permission.

I ask my fans for help.

I want them to tell me what it feels like to feel emotion.

None of them can answer my question.

Emotion can't be described; it's just there, it's one of those things that just can't be explained.

* * *

Years pass, and Master calls us to his office.

"I've noticed that popularity in Vocaloid has dropped very much. In order to not go bankrupt, we must shut down some of the more unpopular Vocaloids." His eyes trail over me as he speaks.

We don't know what to say. Should we be sad? Should we be happy? I don't know.

Do I really want to be shut down?

* * *

A couple of other Vocaloids are going to be shut down, like me.

I don't know if that's bad.

I don't know if anyone will miss me.

My name is called.

I walk up to the humans. One of them opens up a panel in my back and flicks something, and suddenly, my mind is shutting down.

I fall into a dreamless sleep that will last a long, long, time.

* * *

My mind and body is powering up again, and my eyes open.

Someone is smiling down at me. I'm covered in dust.

"Welcome back," he says, offering me his hand. I get up, and follow him out of the closet I was carelessly thrown into.

Later, they inspected me, and declared that I was out of date and needed fixing up.

"We'll get your programs up to date and fix your body up; is there anything you would like for us to do? Any upgrades?" he asked. I remembered my greatest wish before I was shut down.

"I want to be human," There was a silence. The man looked troubled.

"Well, we can't make you completely human; that's impossible." he said. "but we could get close to it,"

"That's fine," I said in a monotone voice.

* * *

I opened my eyes after they fixed me up. I was plugged into a machine to charge, but the cord was long enough for me to move around. I felt much lighter and my movements weren't as stiff as before.

A surge of happiness shot through me. Wait, happiness? They...gave me emotion? I was so excited,, my wish had come true!

Happiness, excitement, giddiness, so many emotions!

I danced around the machine. Well, close enough so I didn't pull the charger out; that would've been bad.

I laughed, a real sincere laugh. I smiled, a real, sincere smile.

Then, something outside the window caught my eye.

Two larger children were beating a smaller one. They seemed to be laughing cruelly at the smaller boy as he writhed in pain.

Anger, pity. I wanted to help the boy, but I couldn't. Why did I have to be plugged into this stupid thing? If I were human, I could rush out right now.

At the same time, I didn't want to help him. I didn't want to move from my spot. I was tired. I was lazy.

I wanted to feel, more and more! I can't get enough of this...this wonder! This blessing! More! More!

So many emotions filled me. I didn't even know why I would feel them.

Sadness, love, anticipation, disgust, annoyance, trust, it was too much, all too much!

Too many! Stop! Stop! Make it stop!

It was too much for me to bear at once.

I collapsed onto the floor, and drifted into a sleep that lasted for eternity.

* * *

**In case you didn't get it, the Vocaloid overloaded from all the emotions. Kinda like in Kokoro, the Vocaloid wasn't used to all the emotions at once, unlike us, and it overloaded its systems.**

**I said 'its' because the Vocaloid that's telling the story is up to your interpretation. ;) Well, for me, for some reason, I imagine Kaito being the narrator. XD**

**This seems a little rushed and repetitive, maybe someday when I get better at writing I'll rewrite it.**

**Edit: I have fixed it up some. :3 Thank you Friend Kitty for your criticism! :DDDD**

**YES! I HAVE ACHIEVED MY BETA READER STATUS AGAIN! *Leaves to upload story***

**I'll probably write another one-shot soon. :P **

**See ya later!**

**~Dreams**


End file.
